Most all of us have had lost a loved one, on this the 12th commencement of 9/11, I would just like to write concerning dealing with the loss of a loved one.
Losing someone you love is difficult and painful. Everyone
handles this differently; therefore, there is no right or wrong way to go about
it. However, there are some strategies that help can help deal with your loss
in a healthy way. There are also ways to know when to seek additional,
professional help dealing with the loss.
The first thing to remember is that grief is natural. It is
OK to feel pain, and it is not a sign of weakness. Second, the goal of a
healthy grieving process shouldn't be to "overcome" anything. Instead it is to accept it and move forward,
knowing that, although the person you lost is not here, they have made a
significant impact on your life; and their influence will always be with
you.
Don't pressure yourself to feel or express your grief in a certain way. Many people are familiar with "the five stages of grief" developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. These are feelings often experienced while grieving. And it can be comforting to know that what you are experiencing is normal. However, these stages were never meant to be a guide for how to experience grief. You don't need experience them in order, or even experience all of the steps. So don't force your grief to fit any pre-fabricated mold.
Here are a few tips to help when grieving:
Allow others to help: Friends and family will often
want to help you. Don't try to avoid them. Accept their help when offered.
Advise them, if you can, on how they can best help you. Also, there are many
support groups where you can connect with others who are going through a
similar experience. These can be very helpful. And if you feel like you need
additional help, do not be afraid to seek the help of a mental health
professional.
Allow yourself to grieve: Don't suppress your
feelings. This will only make them worse. Instead, find some way to express
them. Maybe you can start a journal to write about your grief. Or you can start
painting or dancing--whatever helps you express your feelings in a constructive
manner.
Take care of your body: It's often tempting to let
yourself go when grieving, to bury one's feelings in junk food, or to forget
about exercise for a while. However, the emotions and the body are intricately
connected. If you take care of your body, it will help you feel better
emotionally. So eat well, exercise, and get enough sleep.
Be prepared: Some days are especially hard. Be
prepared for birthdays, anniversaries, and other days that you associate with
the loved one you lost. Know that these days can be especially painful and that
that's OK. Find ways to honor you’re loved on these days.
Additionally, sometimes grief becomes extremely complicated,
or leads to intense depression. In these cases, it is best to see a mental
health professional. Some signs that you should seek a mental health
professional include:
Feelings that you no longer want to live
Imagining that your loved one is alive
Intense guilt
Difficulty functioning
Feeling that life is meaningless
Extreme anger
Prolonged denial
Remember that these are only a few signs. If at anytime you
feel you need help, do not hesitate to seek professional help.
